Awareness in Lovemaking: An Unexplored Aphrodisiac

by Vishwas Chavan and Majbrit Villadsen on March 20, 2016

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Are you fed up of short-lived sexual-quickies that leave you feeling dissatisfied?

Are you secretly hoping for lovemaking that makes you feel fulfilled and connected?

Awareness in lovemaking might be your answer.

In the years we’ve been working with couples on issues related to love, intimacy and lovemaking both men and women have raised a common concern. Many of them are disappointed with the short-lived sexual quickies. Especially the women have expressed a desire for lovemaking that makes them feel more connected; where their partner is not rushing towards the goal of coming or trying to push her to reach an orgasm. Many of the women have said that these ‘sexual quickies’ fail to give them the sense of being loved and the fulfillment they long for.

Personally, we prefer longer lovemaking sessions to the short-lived sexual quickies. While reading the book “Sex to Super consciousness” (by Osho, Indian mystic guru), we stumbled upon the secret to extend lovemaking and experience more pleasure. The secret to feeling more connected and making love longer is awareness in lovemaking.

Awareness in lovemaking, a highly potent aphrodisiac

Awareness is the capacity to observe and witness ourselves, and it’s the underlying force behind relaxation and a more soulful lovemaking experience.

Through awareness in lovemaking we tune into ourselves, release physical tension in the body and connect to the inner vibrations of aliveness and pleasurable sensations.

According to Diana Richardson, author of Slow Sex – the Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality, “awareness in lovemaking has a powerful impact on sexual responsiveness and it’s the missing link to live and express our higher sexual potential. Awareness acts as a highly potent aphrodisiac.”

Moving from the mechanical act of sex to conscious lovemaking

For many, lovemaking have become and is being treated as a mechanical act, in which attention is more on the achievements rather than on the inner connection.

If we don’t engage into lovemaking consciously we succumb to use our bodies mechanically, without being grounded or connected inwards.

Instead we can use awareness in lovemaking to curiously explore our bodies and the vitality and expansion we feel, and to stay in the present moment. At the same time we invite in slowness by choosing to be aware in all our actions. In this way lovemaking turns into a state of being rather than doing.

Letting go of the chase of orgasm

We’ve observed that majority of the times couples, (especially men), are fixated on having an orgasm. Having orgasm as a goal of lovemaking takes you away from being present. It sends a subtle signal of not being satisfied with what is, and when orgasm is reached (usually rather quickly) it tends to close down the sexual experience and thus the tender moments between you and your lover.

Soulful, nurturing and satisfying lovemaking requires you to overcome this excessive desire or addiction to have an orgasm. Being present and aware will help you get there.

One of the simplest secrets to increase awareness in lovemaking is to keep your eyes open. This way you’re less prone to wander of into fantasy land, and if you keep eye contact with your partner, it helps you stay focused and minimizes the urgency for climax.

You can practice Soft Vision with your partner, an exercise described by Diana Richardson in her book “Slow Sex.” It’s the best way to stay connected to yourself while at the same time connecting to your partner.

Stay connected to you

It is a common misconception that during lovemaking you need to focus all of your attention towards your partner, rather than towards yourself. The outcome of this habit on focusing upon your partner is anxiety, insecurity, performance pressure, and a lack of inner connectedness. To experience a soulful and blissful union we focus on being rooted within our own body.

This doesn’t mean we don’t engage with our partner or exchange loving touches, nor does it mean we don’t care about their comfort or disconnect from their needs. It simply means we stop projecting our thoughts and expectations on our partner, and take responsibility for our own inner connection through being aware.

When each partner is fully connected to their own inner being and takes responsibility for their own pleasure, the quality of their union is a deeper, more loving and sustaining experience.

How can you become more aware?

To boost your own pleasure and vitality you need the power of relaxation and awareness in lovemaking. But the question is, how can you practice this? Read this blog Relax Into Lovemaking and start to practice Shavasana as mentioned, on a regular basis.

Diana Richardson also describes an exercise in her book Slow Sex called ‘Going in and down to find home in the body’ which we highly recommend to practice as often as possible.

Becoming aware to the extent that awareness in lovemaking acts as an aphrodisiac takes time. It’s not an instant pill. It takes patience, investment of time, and an open attitude to truly master master the art of awareness during lovemaking. Once you get there your lovemaking will be more expansive, soulful, and fulfilling.

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