How to enhance intimacy and connection with tantric massage
by Majbrit Villadsen on May 1, 2016
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I’m just gonna come right out and ask: how is your love-life? Do you feel fully connected to your partner? Are you satisfied with the level of intimacy between you? Do you feel heard, seen and validated?
If you feel there’s room for improvement, and you want to enhance intimacy between you and your beloved, tantric full body massage is a good place to start. I’ve been giving tantra massage professionally for more than five years now, and also teach couples in the art of conscious touch, and think it’s amazing how it can bring a sense of joy, increase your awareness, enhance intimacy and feeling of connectedness.
First let me clarify a bit what I mean when I say tantric. It’s not gonna be a thorough explanation, but enough for you to get the idea. I’ve found that when people hear the word tantric, they seem to get images of wild, steamy sex scenes in weird in-obtainable positions, or something quite different, where you’re in a state of orgasmic ecstacy by breathing in a certain pattern and gazing into your lovers eyes.
Enhance intimacy through presence and awareness
Both are entirely possible, but it’s not what I’m talking about here. What I’m inviting you to do is to expand consciousness through the way you touch your partner. It’s a way of growing your love, and the feeling of connectedness. And it’s a possibility for being present, slowing down and regenerating your bodies, letting go of expectations, performance anxiety and pressure. It’s a dedicated, loving journey of exploring your partners body inch by inch. You strive to let go of your own wants and needs, and recognize that giving your beloved a massage is not about you, it’s about them. And it’s not about doing, it’s about being. There’s no pressure for the giver to deliver a specific result to the receiver - or vice versa. It’s simply a discovery into bodily awareness, aliveness, relaxation and pleasure.
The basics to enhance intimacy with tantric massage
There’s a few basic guidelines that’ll make the experience of giving and receiving a massage much more pleasant, I’ll just list them. Make sure the room you’ll be in is warm and tidy. It’s impossible to relax and receive if you’re cold. It’s a good idea to put a rubber sheet underneath the sheet the receiver will be lying on, so you don’t ruin your mattress with oil. Have a few pillows for support for the giver and receiver. If you wish, light a few candles to give ambience, and decide on some soothing music. Maybe you want to bring water and snacks. Use a good quality oil - I prefer organic coconut oil (warm it slightly so it melts, and keep it in a small bottle or bowl). Explore and enjoy, rather than being too serious. It’s about enhancing intimacy and connection, not following strict rules. Intention is everything - give massage to your partner from the purity of your heart. Don’t expect anything in return and don’t expect them to be or react in any specific way. Communicate: if you’re not sure whether something feels good to your partner ask him/her (or if something your partner does doesn’t feel good, let them know in a respectful way).
Giving massage to a man
When a woman wants to enhance intimacy through giving a tantric massage to her man, it’s an opportunity for her to drop into her creative, playful nature. She can use her body and not only her hands. It’s a wonderful feeling for a man (and a woman), to feel the energy exuding from a woman’s chest area, when she uses her breasts to give massage. Experiment as to how it’s possible for you to use your body, so it feels good to both of you. If it feels good to your man, use the weight of your body and lie on top of him, embracing him and feeling each others breathing and heartbeat. It doesn’t have to be continual movement, but try to stay present throughout. Don’t shy away from touching his penis lovingly. Massage, caress, stretch. Focus on the connection and love between you rather than for anything specific to happen, like ejaculation. Slow down. This allows him to become more present in his body, and to explore his desire and arousal and how it affects the rest of his body, away from the genital area. Help him to spread the sexual energy in his body by stroking away from his penis towards his arms and legs.
Giving massage to a woman
For a man to enhance intimacy with his woman by giving her a massage, he has to make her feel safe. When she feels safe, she’s more able to relax into the present moment and enjoy the massage. One of the ways is to tell her that she can allow herself to receive, without anything being expected from her in return. And then of course to make sure your intention match your words. Most women find it too rough if a man uses his body, so I recommend you start by only using your hands to give her massage. You can still take moments to lie next to her and gently caress her with a few fingers. Do not go for her vagina or nipples straight away (and maybe do not go for her vagina at all!). Let go of the usual goal-oriented approach - remember: intention is everything. Slowly massage and caress her entire body; hands, feet, neck, shoulders and head are wonderful places to start, then you can start to move closer to the center of her body. When you massage her breasts be very gentle, they can be quite sensitive for some women. If she does not like her breasts to be massaged, check with her if she’s okay with you just resting your hands there (and then send them a lot of love). Stay present and attentive to her body language, so you can pick up on the signals she sends.
Explore how to enhance intimacy for you
It’s really much more about presence and intention, than it’s about techniques or rules. And it’s about communication, verbal and non-verbal. If something feels good to you, let your partner know by saying it or showing it (could be through sound, eye contact, a smile, an encouraging nod). If something really doesn’t feel good to you, you need to express it. Before the massage, you might wanna talk about ways that would feel okay for your partner to be told if something doesn’t feel good to you. It can be very different from person to person, and by talking about it in advance, you take out the fear of upsetting your partner, by telling them that something they do doesn’t feel good to you.
You don’t have to be a professional to make tantric massage part of your love-life. What it really takes is the willingness to explore each other in a relaxed way, and to stay dedicated to discover new ways to expand awareness; new ways to feel pleasure and experience the aliveness of your body. Technique is less important than presence. Try different things, and vary between long full strokes, more firm pressure and light caresses - and everything in between.
What I’ve found to greatly enhance the receptivity in both giver and receiver, is slowing down. It allows for both of you to become fully present, and when you keep your awareness on the touch, fully alive at the same time. In that way you also increase your sensitivity, and your own inner connection. If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment and I'll answer it the best I can. I wish you a lot of fun, love and deeply intimate moments.
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